Monday, March 26, 2007

I didn't sing "Mandy"!

Twice last week I found myself in bars with a karaoke night. In the past the karaoke thing was not my thing, but last year while in college I worked for a little bit in a bar that karaoke was the end all and be all Thursday nights. After a few dozen PBR's, I would belt out the greatest hits of the Ramones and Johnny Cash to the drunken masses. It was fun, hot damn!!!

So the last couple times in those bars, with a little bit of liquid courage in my belly, it was time for me to belt out a few choice numbers. Time to review the songs I deemed worthy of performing both nights.

-"Folsom Prison Blues": Not to shabby if I do say so myself.

-The theme from "Fat Albert": Something I'd wanted to do since I had seen a deleted scene from "Dogma" where Silent Bob rocked it out. I can die happy now.

"Rebel Yell": Ok folks, this was the crowning moment. I took that mic stand in hand like the man Billy Idol himself. I raised the fist and pumped it for the "MORE MORE MORE!!!" My rock scream would make Vince Neil throw all his hottest groupies at me, leaving him all the the sloppy trailer trash teeth gone to meth ages ago. I had that fucking crowd in the palm of my hand!!!!!!

"My Humps/I Will Survive": This was a little odd. I had female back-up singers and "My Humps" was fucked up on the CD. Improptu, "I Will..." came up. Fuck it, run with it!!

"Hunger Strike": Roped in by a buddy, I can hit it high notes like Chris Cornell. What the hell, and 'A' for effort.

"Bodies": Me and a couple other guys doing that goofy Drowning Pool song. Hey, I have a good Nu-Metal/Cookie Monster growl!! Come get some, Fred Durst! HAH!!!

Will the phenom rock a mic again? Only Pabst Blue Ribbon knows for sure.

Friday, March 16, 2007

St. Patty's PSA

(This is something my buddy Travis wrote. Thinking that it's awesome, pretty smart, and St. Patty's tomorrow, I thought I'd help pass it along.)

Don't hurt me or anything drastic like that.

This is a plea from the down trodden of the SI (Service Industry) that St. Paddy's not take place this year.

As a proud friend and supporter of this put upon group here is the request:

If you...

1) Wear a baseball cap in any way sideways do not go out.
2) Belong to a frat or sorority (or EVER belonged to one) don't go out.
3) Plan on getting totally hammered and making an ass of yourself, don't come out.
4) Are a recovering ANYTHING, don't come out (including alcoholism, sexual addiction, necrophilia, priapism, drug addiction, sheep molesting, goat molesting or anything else - this list is not inclusive if you question it get the idea.)
5) Think that Chumbawumba's Tub Thumping was a great song, don't come out.
6) Believe that you are prettier than everyone else (male or female) don't come out.
7) Think that "WOO!!!" is the proper response to anything, don't come out.
8) Are in the mood to taunt bartenders or waitresses with lewd comments about tipping, don't come out.
9) Believe you are a leprechaun, or that the Irish really give a rat's ass about your 1/10000 bloodline back to the Emerald Isle, don't come out.

And finally...

10) You really think St Paddy's is the best night of the year to go drinking, SERIOUSLY, don't go out.

People who do not fall into the above categories are not exempted. It just means I got tired of writing.

To all my bartender, bar-back and waitron friends...I love you and I'm here for you.

May the gods have mercy on those poor bastards you are destined to pour booze into this weekend.

You are in my prayers.

Catching Up

Got so wrapped up in the epic saga that was MYG that I've failed to talk about anything else this week.

Angelina Jolie decided to adopt another kid? Shit, what's she doing? Making her own Benneton ad or massing an army for world domination? First act of the Jolie World Order? A cable channel that shows the Tomb Raider movies 24/7!

Watched a "Twilight Zone" last night with Claude Akins in it. No one seems to talk about "Sheriff Lobo" anymore. Come on folks! It was the spin-off of "BJ And The Bear", a trucker and his monkey!

Bought a couple things earlier this week I thought I'd never buy. But what the hey, change is good.

First was a pair of flip-flops. I told myself I'd never get a pair cause, well let's face it, guys have some ugly assed feet, and shouldn't be seen on a regular basis. The other reason was that after spending the last few years in a college town the only guys I saw wearing the things were frat boy assholes. That and having something between my toes drives me nuts. My sock gets between my toes it drives me crazy.

But I decided that I wasn't gonna spend another summer wearing shoes and socks all over. Time for a change. I hit the shoe store and tried on a couple different pairs. I settled on a pair that were pretty comfortable pair, and the piece between my toes really didn't seem to bug me. I goofed around the rest of the day wearing them around. Took a little getting used to walking around in them, but I gotta admit that I dig the things!

The other thing I got? This is a biggie folks, some Rogaine.

Yeah, I got Rogaine. My bald brothers are gonna be really pissed with me.

I'd thought about getting some for a while, if anything to take care of the spot on the back of my head. If the shit can at least make the hair less thin, than that's cool. I don't expect to have a full head of hair after using the stuff, hell may not even work! But why not give it a try?

I don't mind not having a whole lot of hair, but looking at the same amount of hair on the top of my head starts to get old. Like I said, if the stuff works then great, if not, oh well it was only 20 bucks for the stuff. Only downside is you have to keep using it. You stop and the loss comes back. Little bit of a downfall.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Anatomy Of: Final Chapter- Reflection

In the final move to end this once and for all, I decided to remove any comment that the girl left on my page. It hit me that there's enough people that read this who know my profile page and would see her. Might be a loopy girl, but I should have enough respect to keep her anonymous. And on top of that I blocked her from contacting me on MySpace. To keep an open line for her to contact me is to flirt with disaster. It's easy with a person with that much drama in a life to suck in others before they know it. I got about ankle deep in it, and that's all I want. Granted she may still have the digits, but it's smart to cut off what ties I can.

Time to reflect on the whole deal. Been single for a while now, and since the start of this year, I'd like to meet someone. But I have some smarts about it, hence the events in the last paragraph, but still kicking myself a little for the events of the weekend. I REALLY should have said thanks but no thanks when she dropped the BF bomb. But I was curious about this girl, who knows, she may have had a friend she wanted me to meet, that was an option.

Now it's time to break down the simplicity of what I'm looking for. Let's take the example of the MYG (MySpace Girl), but let's make her single for the example.

To me, MYG was attractive to me, in the profile pic, and in person. Hate to sound like an ass, but that's one thing I need. Has to be visually appealing to me and everyone, even though they may deny it, wants that. My level of attraction there can vary. I've looked at girls wand had my friends think she had a horse face, and of course the ones who I looked at that were generally accepted as good looking. MYG had the visual appeal down. Very easy on the eyes.

NOW, let's hit what MYG DIDN"T have after I found out what I did. The mentality/moral/ethics (we'll lump them into one). To me, a girl can be all sorts of hot, but upstairs if she's superficial, stupid, crazy, slutty, etc, then that screws the deal and it's see ya later. This seems like common sense to me. Why would you wanna be with a person that does not work with you on that level? I've been shot down because of this before, and I've seen people who have been with others because of the physical attraction and nothing more. And Lord help me, when I was younger I had done it before! But I had enough common sense to kill it before it it went too far. At least I was smart enough to do that.

So let's take our example of MYG if she was single. Yeah, to me the physical was there, but when I would have found out how much of a nutbar she truly was, than I would have cut ties with her in the nicest way possible. Probably no easy or nice way to do have done it, but it would happen.

It's been just about a week since this whole torrid(?) affair went down, and this is a good way to close this trilogy of insanity. I gain a little more clarity as to what I look for, affirm what I know inside.

(and thank the stars that NOTHING happened with this girl! In the words of a friend of mine about this whole deal, "You came out of this looking like a rockstar!" Better a rockstar than having dookie on my chest and getting sores on the privates.)

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Anatomy of "What The Hell?" Part Two: Rusty Dodges a Bullet

The cute crazy ones just loooooove me!

Ladies and gents we have an update!!!!

A doozy!!!!!

From what Greg likes to call an "inside source" (I have 'em too!), I got a call from a source dropping some info on the MySpace girl.

Where to start? Well, the boyfriend she has? Lives with 'em! Ballsy girl, to be hitting on a fella under the same roof she shares with another guy.

Here's another bomb! I knew she had four kids (nothing wrong about that) from FOUR DIFFERENT DADDIES (ok, something really wrong there!) The source told me that she divorced her husband, and wound up hooking up with the current boyfriend, which is the father of her first kid, who gave up rights to him back in the day, and has no idea that he's his father! And allegedly the relationship for her right now is more or less a sugar daddy affair to have a roof over her head (hence looking me up on-line?) "Young And The Restless", eat your heart out!

Time for another one! Heard this one from a girl who went out with her one night. As they were driving home from the bar one night, she was piss drunk (set-up for a joke with that), bragging about how she had given her then boyfriend a golden shower and a Cleveland Steamer!

Let me repeat that........She gave the guy a GOLDEN SHOWER AND A CLEVELAND FUCKING STEAMER!!!! I'm sure you know what those are, if not ask your sleazier friends. Upon hearing that, I was grateful that nothing happened cause I don't have rubber sheets on the bed. Man, this is the girl of Larry Flynt's dreams! Not so much me. Pee and poo? Those belong in a toilet, sample jars in a hospital, or the strong throwing arm of a chimp, not in fornication. Hot and heavy? Cool! Hot and heavy and dooky?

(not to mention while she was bragging about this, she was so drunk that she wound up pissing herself. What can I say, the girl loves the gold flow.)

Time for the last bombshell that was dropped on me. Miss MySpace has the gift that keeps on giving! That's right folks, Herpes!!!

Hearing all that I got the mental image of me waking up next to this girl, picking peanuts and corn off my chest, with cold sores like the guys from Spinal Tap. For whatever reason things didn't happen (as mentioned in the last post) between us, I don't care now! Whew!

Ok folks, time to start a betting pool here. What will the next girl that shows an interest in me do?

Will she?

-Cut out my heart for a satanic ritual?
-Cut my face off and wear it as a mask?
-Think she's Elizabeth Taylor?
-Carve my name into arm?
-Carve her name into MY arm?

Or will she be a normal, well adjusted person, no social diseases, boyfriends, no skeletons in her closet who finds me attractive, thinks I have a good personality, and thinks I'm witty and funny? (yeah right)

Place the bets now!!!!

Monday, March 12, 2007

Anatomy of, "What The Hell?"

or.............Meeting People You Met On-Line Isn't Always A Good Idea.

I'll break this whole story down from the past few days.........

Wednesday Night: I'm goofing around on MySpace, deleting the friend requests from web cam girls, when in all of them is a friend request from a lady that lives near me. Around my age, pretty cute, and found me to top it all off! Thinking what the hell, I accept the request, and there's immediately a message from her. The rest of the evening is us talking about ourselves till she signs off.

Thursday: We talk on MySpace more. That evening, I look at her profile and I'm the number two friend on there! I'll be damned! To be a nice guy, I put her up at number two as well. She asks if I would like to meet up of lunch sometime. I tell her yes and to let me know when and where would be good for her. She suggests I meet up with her Saturday night, as her and some friends have a "girl's night out" between the Plaza/Westport/Downtown. I agree. First mistake? A guy meeting a girl for the first time while she's out with her friends? Spider Sense is tingling. A little bit of flirting is happening between us, the two of us filling the others comments.

Friday: More talking on MySpace. She admits to me that she has a boyfriend! The pic of a guy on her page is now referenced as boyfriend, and now there's a pic of the two of them that wasn't there the day before. Hmmmmm.........She asks if I'm still up for meeting her. I went ahead and said yes. I was curious.

Did this girl want:

To dump the current guy and meet someone new? I'm not a prize winner, but looking at the pics of her beau? Guy makes a bison look like Clooney!

Just to meet someone new as a friend? That was what she said when she told me she had a boyfriend. Looking at her profile her status was "Divorced", and the one pic of her beau on the page said nothing about him being a boyfriend. Something is rotten in Denmark.

A one night stand? If the girl has a guy, the answer is no. Even if her current guy looks like a bulldog. Like I said I was curious about the whole deal, and I had already agreed and didn't want to look like a dick.

Saturday Night: The big night. I get home from work, change clothes, get some friends to ride with for the meet-up, and away we go.

The bar on the Plaza her and her friends are at is packed to the gills. We find them, and I get to meet her face to face. Cute girl! Thinking twice about the one night stand thing. It's a little too packed for my friends, so they head to a joint less busy down the block. Already there's a problem. One of the guys from that "Home Makeover Make People Cry" show is talking to the group of girls, dropping sleazy flirting. I can't get a word in edgewise. Great.

The group decides to hit a dance club downtown. Now you folks know me..........

Rusty+dance clubs=oil and water. Hell, it was a miracle I agreed to go to a trendy Plaza bar! I was starting to miss the Buzzard Beach. I called my crew and told them what the plan was. They were eating where they were at and would meet me and the girls down there when they were done. I hopped in the girl's SUV, and away we went.

On the way the three girls in the car talked about their divorces and the settlements they got. I was able to get out my current job and some other little snippets about me, not much else.

We hit the night club. Huuuuuuuge fucking line. a member of the group that met us down there said we could bribe the doorman to let us in for 50 bucks for the group. Fuck me running! I hadn't paid to get into a club in a few years, and had NEVER had to bribe my way into a place! A situation like that usually I'd laugh and flip off the door guy. I consented and put some money in with the others. When we get in, we still have to pay the door charge! 15 dollars just to get in the damn place now! My thoughts go to how many PBR's I could have sucked down at the Buzzard for 15 bucks. I called my friends, and told them what was going down. Now way they're be able to pull the same thing to get in if they wanted to! It was agreed that they'd just come and pick me up when it was time to bail.

We get into the dance club. Seen one you've seen 'em all. I was trying to estimate the amount of cocaine and roofies that the patrons had on them. But on the upside, the group I was with was pretty nice and having some fun, and no "Home Makeover" jackass with us. We hit the main dance floor with some drinks. I gotta admit that I danced around a little, and was having a good time. A little after I got the call from the friends. They were on the way to pick me up, so time to go.

I told the girl in question that I had to take off, so she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, I give her one back and take off to meet the friends and head home.

The verdict? She seemed lie a nice girl and I had a good time, but wished I had a better opportunity to talk to her, what with the loud music, other friends of hers, and the Bob Vila asshat, not much of a chance.

Sunday, THE DAY AFTER: I get a message from her asking if I had fun. I told her I did, and that I wished I could have hung out a little longer, but we'd be able to next time, leaving it open for meeting in the future. The only other communication that day was her saying that she liked the changes I made to the profile.

Monday: Tonight I go to the MySpace and I notice that I've been dropped as her friend cause she's out of my top friends! I go to look at her page and it is now set to private and I can't see shit. What the hell?

I had a couple theories brewing in my head. I called a friend who I had talked about the whole situation to, she looked and indeed, the profile was private for her as well, meaning that I hadn't been blocked be her.

The general assumption between the two of us? The bison-looking boyfriend found out what went down, what with the two of us meeting up, got pissed, and made her drop me as a friend and set the profile to private. The only other things that I can think is that she wasn't that impressed with me in person, and decided to just drop me as a friend, or she felt bad about flirting with another guy, and dropped me. I'm going with the first. My friend also reminded me, cause I couldn't remember, that she had dating down as one of the things she was looking for along with networking and friends before the admission of having a boyfriend. And that's where things stand as of now.

On my page I have dating down as one of the things I'm looking for, just to see what's shaking, me not really looking on my end. She finds me, and likes what she sees, sends the friend request, and we start talking. To be honest, she comes clean about her already dating someone, but is still displaying an interest. The meeting goes down...........And I already told you the rest and what at this point myself, the friends I had told about this, and now you, can only assume or speculate.

As of now, I deleted any messages from her in the MySpace inbox, and took her number out of my phone, but have not deleted any comments that were left by her on my page. I'm still trying to be a nice guy here. At any rate, she seemed nice and all, and if she was truly single, I'd be all about her. But I had to satisfy my curiosity about the whole situation, and I hope that her beau isn't the kind of asshole that would slap her around because of this (maybe a reason to look for a new guy? Another theory! Like I said, hope that's not the case). I've speculated a little, now it's time to move on, but I have a heck of a story that could be suited for a cheesy TV-movie.

I've been checking the MySpace page while I've been writing this, and still no communication. But if anything else comes up (doubt it), oh yeah, I'll let you know.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

To "Scooter" Libby:


Hold on......Let me catch my breath...........



Now don't get me wrong, I know you won't do hard time. You're rich, you're white. That max of 25 years I heard? You won't get that. You won't get the pleasure of being locked up in some hard-core jail where you get passed around between some hard-core badasses for smokes (like you need).

But I gotta hand it to ya, you didn't rat out the bug guys. It was just like one of those mafia movies! You kept your trap shut, played(?) dumb, you'll do a little bit of time, and prove your loyalty to the "family".

Did Cheney shooting that guy in the face scare you into silence? I'll bet when he did that it wasn't and "accident", it was an example. "I shot a guy I like in the face, imagine what happens to Libby if he rats me out!" That Cheney, he's like Gotti, but with a perma-sneer on his face. The Don of DC. I don't really blame you Scooter, I'd rather face a few years in a white collar prison than a face full of buckshot.

By the way, what the hell kind of nickname for a grown man is "Scooter"? For pity's sake you're rich and powerful and a mover and shaker with the most powerful men on the planet and you're called "Scooter"? Wasn't that the name of one of the Muppets? What's Cheney's nickname, Cuddle Bear? What about "W"? Do you guys call him Alfred E. Newman behind his back?

Anyways, time to wrap this up. I really wish that this had went down sooner, and it would have been nice to take a few of the big guys down with you, but it's ok, I'll take what I can get.

Rusty sees "300"


By a stroke of good luck I was able to snag a pass to an advance screening of "300" tonight, showing in Olathe. I get off work, grab a buddy of mine and we hustle over to Kansas to check it out.

All I can say is WOW. What a beautiful looking movie.

But don't take the kids. People get killed in a harsh way, and there's a little skin.

The story is about a Spartan king who goes out with 300 of his best warriors to secretly take out an invading Persian army that numbers in the tens of thousands because he was told not to wage full on war by the ruling council. All the while back on the home front, his wife, the queen, is trying to muster support for his husband however she can. The story comes from a graphic novel written by Frank Miller who also wrote "Sin City".

Like I said, it's a beautiful movie. I got caught up in the colors and the shooting of the film while watching intense battle scenes. I got so caught up in the look of the film, that seeing something like a guy get run through with a spear or lose a limb (or a head) to a sword seemed like an afterthought.

My hat is off to the director Snyder. He was able to take the original sourcework of illustration and make it look just as good. It takes a lot to take a work from Miller and translate it to the screen and do it justice. Look at "Sin City". Rodriguez was able to take the story and bring it to the screen without flaws, and the look of that was a pretty tall order. Epic battles made that looked like no effort was made to bring it to the screen. Impressive.

You got some free time this weekend? Go check it out.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Sick day movie review


A cold that I picked up sapped my strength and left my brain a puddle of non-responsive goo. No other option than to go home, chug NyQuill, and watch a flick I hadn't seen in a while.

The film? The old school TV movie "The Day After".

I remember watching this one as a kid when it was first on TV and it scaring the ever loving shit outta me. The scene when the bombs hit and the people vaporizing? Sent me screaming to my room, scared to death that it would happen, and back then it might have what with the hard cold Cold War.

Weird to watch it nowadays, cause the fear of something like that happening, for the most part, has been replaced with others. But still the thing is still intense even for as old as it is.

Gotta jump back to the start though. The cover? A pic of Kansas City getting blown to bits? I think there's been days we've all wanted that. And then to watch it and see a destroyed Lawrence and Brookside/KC. Damn, how 'bout that. Maybe it made it hit closer to home. Back in the day, I'd have loved to hear the reaction of someone from KC and someone from a place like Boston see who it affected more.

But you gotta admit that there's a little of a cornball factor. There's the cliche characters like the people trying to get back their homes or loved ones all the while slowly dying from radiation sickness. And seeing the effects of the sickness? If that kind of thing ever did happen? I wanna be one of those who's a pile of ashes at the start, and not one of the ones slowly wasting away. Call me crazy. And you can never take a movie too seriously when it has Steve Guttenberg in it. The scene with him bald from the radiation I can hear the noise guy from "Police Academy" in my head.

All in all, it still holds up. It's more of a slice of the past from bygone fears nowadays. You want to get a better slice of the fear of the bomb check out (one of my favorites) "Fail Safe". Can't really recommend it when you have a head fulla cold medication though. Watch something funny.