Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Anatomy of "What The Hell?" Part Two: Rusty Dodges a Bullet

The cute crazy ones just loooooove me!

Ladies and gents we have an update!!!!

A doozy!!!!!

From what Greg likes to call an "inside source" (I have 'em too!), I got a call from a source dropping some info on the MySpace girl.

Where to start? Well, the boyfriend she has? Lives with 'em! Ballsy girl, to be hitting on a fella under the same roof she shares with another guy.

Here's another bomb! I knew she had four kids (nothing wrong about that) from FOUR DIFFERENT DADDIES (ok, something really wrong there!) The source told me that she divorced her husband, and wound up hooking up with the current boyfriend, which is the father of her first kid, who gave up rights to him back in the day, and has no idea that he's his father! And allegedly the relationship for her right now is more or less a sugar daddy affair to have a roof over her head (hence looking me up on-line?) "Young And The Restless", eat your heart out!

Time for another one! Heard this one from a girl who went out with her one night. As they were driving home from the bar one night, she was piss drunk (set-up for a joke with that), bragging about how she had given her then boyfriend a golden shower and a Cleveland Steamer!

Let me repeat that........She gave the guy a GOLDEN SHOWER AND A CLEVELAND FUCKING STEAMER!!!! I'm sure you know what those are, if not ask your sleazier friends. Upon hearing that, I was grateful that nothing happened cause I don't have rubber sheets on the bed. Man, this is the girl of Larry Flynt's dreams! Not so much me. Pee and poo? Those belong in a toilet, sample jars in a hospital, or the strong throwing arm of a chimp, not in fornication. Hot and heavy? Cool! Hot and heavy and dooky? Uhhhhhhh...............no.

(not to mention while she was bragging about this, she was so drunk that she wound up pissing herself. What can I say, the girl loves the gold flow.)

Time for the last bombshell that was dropped on me. Miss MySpace has the gift that keeps on giving! That's right folks, Herpes!!!

Hearing all that I got the mental image of me waking up next to this girl, picking peanuts and corn off my chest, with cold sores like the guys from Spinal Tap. For whatever reason things didn't happen (as mentioned in the last post) between us, I don't care now! Whew!

Ok folks, time to start a betting pool here. What will the next girl that shows an interest in me do?

Will she?

-Cut out my heart for a satanic ritual?
-Cut my face off and wear it as a mask?
-Think she's Elizabeth Taylor?
-Carve my name into arm?
-Carve her name into MY arm?

Or will she be a normal, well adjusted person, no social diseases, boyfriends, no skeletons in her closet who finds me attractive, thinks I have a good personality, and thinks I'm witty and funny? (yeah right)

Place the bets now!!!!

1 comment:

Heather said...

Any guy who puts their penis in that may as well stick it in a meatgrinder.

I'm thoroughly repulsed now.