(This is something my buddy Travis wrote. Thinking that it's awesome, pretty smart, and St. Patty's tomorrow, I thought I'd help pass it along.)
Don't hurt me or anything drastic like that.
This is a plea from the down trodden of the SI (Service Industry) that St. Paddy's not take place this year.
As a proud friend and supporter of this put upon group here is the request:
1) Wear a baseball cap in any way sideways do not go out.
2) Belong to a frat or sorority (or EVER belonged to one) don't go out.
3) Plan on getting totally hammered and making an ass of yourself, don't come out.
4) Are a recovering ANYTHING, don't come out (including alcoholism, sexual addiction, necrophilia, priapism, drug addiction, sheep molesting, goat molesting or anything else - this list is not inclusive if you question it all...you get the idea.)
5) Think that Chumbawumba's Tub Thumping was a great song, don't come out.
6) Believe that you are prettier than everyone else (male or female) don't come out.
7) Think that "WOO!!!" is the proper response to anything, don't come out.
8) Are in the mood to taunt bartenders or waitresses with lewd comments about tipping, don't come out.
9) Believe you are a leprechaun, or that the Irish really give a rat's ass about your 1/10000 bloodline back to the Emerald Isle, don't come out.
10) You really think St Paddy's is the best night of the year to go drinking, SERIOUSLY, don't go out.
People who do not fall into the above categories are not exempted. It just means I got tired of writing.
To all my bartender, bar-back and waitron friends...I love you and I'm here for you.
May the gods have mercy on those poor bastards you are destined to pour booze into this weekend.
You are in my prayers.