Thursday, October 04, 2007

Final Request

It's unfortunate to me that over the span of the year death and loss has been a theme that keeps coming up. I started the summer off with the death of my grandfather, and ended the summer with the loss of Greg.

Starting off this post on a happy note, huh?

It got me thinking of how I want it to be when I go. Greg said he wanted all the ladies in red dresses at his funeral, and the man got what he wanted. With this post I hope my luck holds out the same.

So here we go. This is the final request for yours truly.

First off, to help cover the cost of everything, I want some corporate sponsorship. Put the corporate logos on the side of the casket. The first words out of the mouth of the preacher should go something to the effect of, "We're here to remember the life of Rusty, brought to you by Pabst, Little Debbie snack cakes, and Castrol Motor Oil." A little tacky to have a casket tricked out looking like a Nascar true, but funerals cost a pretty penny. No need for people to drop that kinda cash on me if they don't have to.

Second, and I'm standing firm on this one.........NO OPEN CASKET!!!!!!!!
I've never thought people look natural laid out in a casket in the first place. Besides, that body in there? That isn't me. Not anymore. Just an empty shell. Besides I'm not the best looking person around, and who'd wanna look at an ugly corpse?

Instead, pics of me around the casket would be good. But for the sake of my family, no pics of me all drunk and shit. This may be difficult seeing as how I haven't been sober in front of a camera since the age of 19 (except for Jeremy and Shannon's official wedding pics). Hmmmmmmmm...........May wanna rethink that one, or try not being drunk in front of a camera for once.

Next, I want my IPod hooked to the speakers during the visitation and put on shuffle. That way you have to suffer through my oddball taste in music one last time.

During the funeral, I want the song "My Way" by Sinatra played. A good song to make the final bow in life to.

After all that is said and done, find a way to pull out the cash in my bank account and treat yourselves to a keg of Pabst or a round of drinks at the bar. Consider it a last gift to all those who knew me and put up with my antics over the years. I at least owe you all that much.

Finally, don't cry. Hell, if anything envy me!!! I'll be hanging out with some pretty hip folks! My grandfathers, most of the Ramones, The Three Stooges, the Rat Pack, Johnny Cash, Greg, and Bill Hicks! You can pity them cause I'll be pestering the bejezzus out of them for all eternity.

Don't misunderstand me here, I intend on being around here for a pretty long time. Just when my times comes I want there to be no doubt on how I want it all to go down.

4 comments:

Xavier Onassis said...

Rusty - email me at xo64068@yahoo.com. I'm moving next weekend. Maybe we can get together and throw back a few before I go. I'm moving so far away...all the way to INDEPENDENCE! LOL!

satyavati said...

Let's make me a joint owner on your bank accounts so that I can go get the $ for the keg.

I promise not to do anything unethical in the meantime.

Matty said...

Tuesday. You and me is getting fucked up. I'll see you in Westport.

Kristine said...

How the heck am I supposed to request you as a myspace friend when I don't know your last name or email?
--Filegirl