## Wednesday, December 10, 2008

### Notes of random nature

Bizarre dream Dept: Had one last night where me and an old girlfriend from waaayyyy back in the day had a couple kids with us and were taking a trip like the movie "Vacation". Instead of the vibrating bed that you put quarters in like they had in the movie, we had a vibrating 2 person bath tub.

Not a jacuzzi, a large bath tub that you put quarters into, and the thing would vibrate. And apparently, I was supposed to be a secret agent as well, cause a screen pops outta nowhere and the actor David Niven (guy who played Bond the the Woody Allen "Casino Royale") shows up on it to give me my next assignment. Cant have some boring, run of the mill dream where I'm doing stuff like laundry, can I???

Never thought this would happen Dept: I think I've lost my taste for drinking!!!! Over the past couple weeks me having a couple of beers and getting a good buzz on the down time has happened less. Tried it on Monday night while chilling out gabbing at people on the internet and didn't enjoy it at all!!! Are the days of the wacky, drunken Rusty over??? That might actually be a good thing.

Enjoy the time Dept: Past few weeks I've only had one day off work cause it's the "busy" season. Yeah, that sucks, but I've done it before. Only real problem is that one day off I've got is me trying to cram a bunch of stuff into that I'm not able to do with the days I work. Right now all I'm wishing for is one day off that I can truly sleep in and not have to do jack shit. Hopefully that can happen next week, instead of using Christmas Day as my "not do a damn thing day" like I have in the past.

Personal update Dept: I have been starting to feel better in my head. Not nearly as good as I want to, but I'm getting there. Yeah, there's been good days and there's been bad days, but the bad days have been easier to stomach. Thank you to friends that I have talked to over the past weeks about what what has been going on in my mind. Still have work to do, but I think I'm on the right track.

## Friday, December 05, 2008

### Say a prayer for Bettie...................

Just found this out.............

LOS ANGELES— Bettie Page, whose magazine photographs in bikinis and see-through lingerie helped her become one of the most notable models of the 20th century, was hospitalized in intensive care after suffering a heart attack, her agent said Friday.

"She’s critically ill," Mark Roesler of the Curtis Management Group told The Associated Press.

He said she had the heart attack on Tuesday and was hospitalized Friday in the Los Angeles area.

A family friend, Todd Mueller, said Page was in a coma. When asked to confirm, Roesler said, "I would not deny that," but he would not comment further on her condition.

Page, a secretary turned model, is credited with helping set the stage for the sexual revolution of the rebellious 1960s. She attracted national attention with magazine photographs of her sensuous figure that were tacked up on walls across the country.

Her photos included a centerfold in the January 1955 issue of then-fledgling Playboy magazine, as well as controversial sadomasochistic poses.

Page later spent decades away from the public eye, and during that time battled mental illness and became a born-again Christian.

After resurfacing in the 1990s, she occasionally granted interviews but refused to allow her picture to be taken.

Mueller credits his business dealings with Page for bringing her out of seclusion. He said he first met her in 1989 when he offered her "a bunch of money" to show up at autograph signings.

"I probably sold 3,000 of her autographs, usually for $200 to$300," he said. "Eleanor Roosevelt, we got $40-$50. ... Bettie Page outsells them all."

## Thursday, December 04, 2008

### IPod shuffle survey

Haven't done one of these in a bit, always fun to do..........

1) Open up your library (iPod, Winamp, iTunes, etc.)

2) Put it on shuffle

3) Press play

4) for each question, type in what song is playing

5) hit next for each question

Here goes everything.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

1. What do people assume when they first look at me?

Darn That Dream- Miles Davis

2. What will be a big challenge in life for me?

Halloween- The Misfits (huh?)

3. Am I a good boyfriend/girlfriend?

Lullaby- Tom Waits

4. Do I have a Secret Admirer?

You Keep Me Hanging On- Madness

5. Will I ever become manically depressed in my life?

Old School Rules- Dangerdoom

7. Is someone trying to kill me?

Down In The Park- Foo Fighters (shit, Dave Grohl is trying to kill me!!!)

8. What is my sexual preference?

Cretin Hop- Ramones (ok, got no clue what that one means, don't even wanna guess!!)

9. What am I afraid of?

Evening at Lafittes- Squirrel Nut Zippers (I'm not afraid of being social!)

10. What will I be doing in a few years?

What Your Soul Sings- Massive Attack (awww, that sounds nice!!!)

11. What is some good advice for me?

Flamenco Sketches- Miles Davis

12. What should I do instead of this quiz?

Get Off This- Cracker (wanna change the world, shut your mouth, start this minute!)

13. Will you get married?

Gasoline- MDFMK (so I take it that's a no???)

14. What is the story of your life?

Phlegmatics- Mr. Bungle (ewwwwwwwwww)

15. How can you get ahead in life?

Strangers On A Train- Lovage (what the hell man?? Never been on a train before!!!)

16. What is the best thing about your friends?

Your Rules- Andrew WK (sweet!!!! And right now I'm thinking it's odd no Bad Religion or Social D have popped up on the shuffle yet. This is MY IPod we're talking about!!!)

17. What song describes you?

Monkey Wrench- Foo Fighters

18. How does the world see you?

Heading Out To The Highway- Judas Priest (COOL!!!!!!)

19. Will you have a happy life?

Terrible Lie- Nine Inch Nails (Oh that just sucks!!!! Fuck you Ipod!!!!)

20. How can I make myself happy?

God Send Death- Slayer (now this shit ain't even funny anymore!! I wanna punch my IPod!!!!)

21. What should you do with your life?

Circles- Bob Mould

22. Will you ever have children?

Zealots- The Fugees

Yep, think the Ipod hates me tonight!!!!!!

## Sunday, November 30, 2008

### Now Live!!!!!!

Gonna share something with you that I've been up to in the time that I haven't been on the ole blog.

Website called Now Live!!!!

In a nutshell it's an internet radio website, but on there there's a bunch of good shows on there that I check out on a regular basis...........

Joe Flynn Show: Joe is a friend of mine who runs a horror movie show on there Monday nights. Interviews, horror movie news, previews, and to top it all off Joe is an all around good guy!!!

The Shark: You'll never have so much fun watching a shark hand puppet!!!! That's all I'm gonna say!!! Shark usually has a show on Saturday evenings and other random times during the week.

The Lou Bawlz Show: You wanna talk Beatles with someone? Lou is your man Lou does his thing Saturday nights.

Ron Purtee Show: Ron plays some good music and the cat is a quick wit. Check him out Sunday nights!

The Asylum: Mr. Voice and his co-host Synful give you the comedy, contests and everything in between on Saturday nights!!!!

Victorian Rose: Rose usually does her thing late Saturday nights, but she also pops on from time to time with other shows.

Adrienne Curry: Yes, it's the same Adrienne Curry that had the reality show!!! Not sure when she usually does her show, seeing as how I only checked it out a couple of times........But what the hell, go give it a gander!!!!

And there's lots of other shows in between for anyone and everyone!!!!

Get a free moment, got over there make yourself a profile and check it out, and meet some cool people on there while you're at it!!!!!

NOWLIVE.COM

## Saturday, November 29, 2008

### Oh come on!!!!! What the hell????

Starting this thing off. I've started noticing that the only time that I really get a "buzz" from smoking anymore is the first smoke of the day, the one I take on break from work, and the one I light up after I get off work. All the ones in between?? Not so much. Maybe another sign to quit smoking...............

one of these days.

Ok, to the topic at hand. You seen the ad on TV for the thing called the "Snugglie" or whatever it's called? Basically, it's supposed to be a blanket with sleeves in it to keep your arms warm.

You know what it really is??? Or what it looks like to me???

IT'S A DAMN BATHROBE TURNED BACKWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!

You want a Snugglie?? all you gots to do is take your bathrobe, take out the belt, and put the freaking thing on backwards, and it's the same thing!!!!

Go ahead and do it!!! I'll wait here.

YOU SEE?!?!?!?! I'm right on this one!!!

The person who invented this "Snugglie" thing is a bonafied genius!!!!! Take a simple idea like taking a piece of clothing, turning it around, and make a million!!!

Why can't I think up smart shit like that???

## Tuesday, November 25, 2008

### I wish I knew how my brain works

My mind has been going in all sorts of directions over the past few months.

The lows have been very low in my head. I haven't felt like this in a few years.

I do talk to my friends about it, but as of late I'm a little hesitant. I'm afraid of conversations with my friends constantly turning into "pity parties" for me as I try and has out what is going on in my head. Hell, I don't want what I write about on here about me to turn into a pity party for that matter.

You ever have the feeling in you head that you know that you're a smart person, but on a constant basis things, big and little seem out of your control and too big for you to handle? That's the way I feel on a semi regular basis. It confuses me that I have this going on in my head. For pity's sake, I'm a college graduate, and I have the student loans to prove it!

But sometimes (more often times than not), it feels like the whole grand scheme of things, living, working, all the things that encompass being a responsible person seem out of my grasp and that I'm not able to take care of myself. A perfect example is this; I know the amount of money that I need to make to cover the cost of living and any other bills that I have, but I get into the job that pays me that much, my anxiety will kick in and drop kick me into next week, and it feels like my brain will just shut down from all the anxiety and pressure. It leaves me thinking, "If I could find a job that pays this much just for stocking some shelves I'd be in much better shape." But like the old saying goes, more money, more problems.

I have given thought to finding a job closer to my home base and living with a parent until such a time that I feel that I'm in a better place emotionally (and money wise for that matter after getting screwed around by my last job) that I'm ready to take on the world again. I talked to both of my parents about it, and told them how I'm feeling and what I'm going through right now. The reaction was positive, my mom said I could come to her house and the first words out of my step mom's mouth were, "When do we start moving you?"

The thought of it does depress me a little. A guy in his 30's can't handle the big, bad world and has to retreat to living in his dad's basement? Yeah, the idea of that kinda sucks. But at this point, where it feels like emotionally I'm circling the drain the idea does appeal to me. Besides, if I were to move in with one of the parents it wouldn't be on a permanent basis, like I said just to when I feel like I'm in a better place in my head.

## Sunday, November 23, 2008

### A book review and some brain ramblings

Just read the graphic novel "Black Hole" by Charles Burns.

Wow!!!! What a good read!!!!

The plot in a nutshell is that it's the mid 70s' and there's an STD out there affecting teenagers that for a better lack of words mutates them, giving them things like mouths in their necks, growing tails, etc, who because of these mutations leave home and live in a small group in the nearby forest.

A good book because it shows the life of a teenager. It doesn't matter what decade that it happens in, teenagers will always go through the same turmoil and stress, just add the latest technology and fads for the decade, but it's still the same thing.

So here's something that I have discovered in the time that I have been broke. To be a taste critic of generic soda.

Usually I'm a Coca-Cola guy, but in the need to cut costs I've checked out the generic sodas...............

Vess is pretty good stuff!!!!!! Take Coke and make it just a tad flat and there you go!!!!! Vess!!!! A subtle taste that is still a joy to the taste buds.

Then there's Sam Choice, the stuff they sell at Wal-Mart. The taste of the Sam's Choice Cola is like a cross between Coke and Pepsi. It's a stout soda, but not as sweet as Pepsi. Add a little bit of sweetness to Coke and there you go!!!! Sam's Choice!!!!!

Just consider this a helpful hand to those out there who have bad caffeine addictions who are a little strapped for cash in these shitty economic times.

## Wednesday, November 19, 2008

### Another messed up dream!!!

Here's a goofy one from a few nights ago!!

In the dream I get a tattoo on my neck (a place I would never get tattooed in the first place), but here's the kicker.

The tattoo said Best Buy.

That's right, the electronics store.

But it wasn't the Best Buy logo, It was in a very fancy black cursive with blue dots around it!!!

Now I dig on some Best Buy and all, but to get the word Best Buy tattooed on me in the first place?? Not so much. No less my neck!!!

## Monday, November 17, 2008

### Are people really sheep???

Recently I worked for a video store, and here's something that really tripped me out while I was working there.

Every Tuesday is new movie day and we'd get the stuff in and shuffle it out to it's appropriate locations in the store. There'd be good stuff and lousy stuff, it comes with the territory. But here's what would surprise me!!

The lousy stuff would go just as fast as the good stuff!!! It's not just me being a movie snob or something like that. Truly shitty movies would fly right out the door!!!

I kinda figured it out...........

A couple people would see a new movie on the shelf that they hadn't seen before, so they'd pick it up. More people would see that people were picking it up cause of the empty spaces and proceed to pick up more copies. Soon, all copies are gone off the wall, and the other people that would come in once the movie was gone see the empty space and assume that it must be some good movie and bug the shit outta the employees for it!!!!!

WOW!!!!

I always thought that if a movie had Cuba Gooding Jr. in it, it was a general assumption that it was a piece of crap!!!! Maybe I'm wrong.

### Missing someone

Saw on the news today that a place I worked for earlier this year is planning some massive layoffs. I really hated the job in the first place, so I can only imagine what it would be like to still be working there at a crappy job knowing that my head may be on the chopping block. It makes me even happier that I got outta there seeing as how I've been the victim of downsizing/shutting down a couple of times.

So I went through a breakup very recently, been almost a month now, give or take. First time I've really talked in a public way about it.

A lot of factors in the breakup there wasn't just one thing.

What it comes down to for me is I still love the girl, I miss her, I have no hard feelings to her, and in the end I want her to be happy with or without me, but it's for the best that the relationship is no longer.

Yeah, I was the one who put an end to the relationship to an end.

Not really sure what else to say. I keep myself busy, keep my mind preoccupied, no I'm not down with getting into anything new just yet.

But there is that time of the day, it's usually late at night before I pass out in bed that she will pop in my head. I can spend the day without really giving her much of a though, but as soon as I lay head to pillow she will pop in the head and that lonely void will open a little and I'll miss her.

It will pass, it gets a little easier each day. Part of the life experience.

## Saturday, November 15, 2008

### The little know facts about "The Happiest Place On Earth"

Found this page about Disney stuff.......Thought I'd share.

CLICK HERE!!!!!!

## Friday, November 14, 2008

### Sleep, work, and other random stuff that may pop in my head

Sleep has been weird for me as of late.

Past couple of weeks I've been waking up exactly 2 hours before my alarm will go off. It's not that big of a deal seeing as how I'm pretty much able to drift right back to sleep after it happens. But it does make me ponder why the hell this is happening on such a regular basis.

And the internet has invaded the dreams I've had. One dream was about a recent ex making blog posts saying what a rotten person I am, how I suck, etc. That one was enough to make me check a site she has to see if had really done it while I had been proud to say that I had been avoiding looking at the page she has up to move on. Another dream had someone posting on this very blog page saying all sorts of crazy shit. Ain't it a sign of the times when the internet is now invading my sleep life?

First week at the new job is almost done.

It's kind of retail, but kind of not. Moreover selling a service than a good.......kinda. But like the rest of the "retail" world, things are getting hectic and crazy around the new job, and here I am trying to get a handle on the gig, and act like I know what I'm doing even though I barely have a clue, all the while trying not to ask the manager above me too many questions cause that person has more than enough on their plate this time of year than to handle my constant barrage of questions.

Starting to wonder if in my latest job search it was wise to still stay in a "retail" environment. The way the economy is going the "retail" world is doing pretty shabby, so here's how it breaks down.

-Place not making any money........Payroll for the employees gets sliced down.

-Now about half the people have to do the work of a full staff, which makes things shitty for the employees and the customers.

-All the while you have the people in the corporate offices screaming bloody murder at you because you aren't making the money because yeah, not enough profit to give out payroll, but now that the payroll is slashed and you have less employees working, the customer service just isn't there, and customers slowly fade away!!!

I think a lot of this business does lie in the fact that lots of the higher ups who work in the corporate offices have been out of the store atmosphere for so long that they forgot how it works (or never worked the store level for that matter). But it is a vicious circle of not enough cash to go around. But it's still unfair as hell to expect the same amount of work load done and same amount of profit to come out of a smaller amount of employees.

Who else can't wait for this economy to turn around??? Raise your hands.

## Sunday, November 09, 2008

### Random

For shits and giggles, I bought a lottery ticket yesterday (haven't checked to see if I won anything yet). Wondered for a little bit if with the economy the way it is right now if sales of lottery tickets are up with people trying to get that extra cash and a better shot at the American dream, or if they're down cause people don't have the extra cash to fork out for the tickets. Hmmmmm..............

I start a new job tomorrow. Job I just got out of was a miserable experience, and glad to be done with it. Told my mom about the new job (a retail position, but not the usual stuff), and she asked if I was ready to deal with all the freaks and weird people that would come in..........

Does she realize how many years I've worked in the retail world? This WHOLE TIME I've had to deal with weirdos, freaks, malcontents, loners, losers, and everything in between!!! You deal with the public for so many years, you start to know what to expect.

I know the news is old by now but hells yes for Obama as our President Elect!!!! I was talking to some friends on Friday night about it, and what here's my take on the whole thing. A new generation of people are taking over for the better. No more dusty old white men in charge of things keeping the status quo the way things have been for so long. Things are changing, times are changing. Those who don't wanna change with it are gonna get left out in the cold, relics of a time that needs not be revisited. It doesn't matter to me the color of Obama's skin, the only thing that matters to me is that he stands as a beacon of hope and change that we need very much right now.

## Wednesday, November 05, 2008

### Now with music!!!!

Decided to take the "jukebox" from my now defunct My Space page and add it here.

Enjoy some music while you read what I ramble on and on about!!!!

### Being single? It's all in the numbers............

Read this and about pooped myself from the laughing..........

Tristan Miller

German Research Center for Artificial Intelligence[1]
20 December 1999
Why don't I have a girlfriend?

This is a question that practically every male has asked himself at one point or another in his life. Unfortunately, there is rarely a hard and fast answer to the query. Many men try to reason their way through the dilemma nonetheless, often reaching a series of ridiculous explanations, each more self-deprecating than the last: "Is it because I'm too shy, and not aggressive enough? Is it my opening lines? Am I a boring person? Am I too fat or too thin? Or am I simply ugly and completely unattractive to women?" When all other plausible explanations have been discounted, most fall back on the time-honoured conclusion that "there must be Something Wrong™ with me" before resigning themselves to lives of perpetual chastity.[2]

Not the author, though. I, for one, refuse to spend my life brooding over my lack of luck with women. While I'll be the first to admit that my chances of ever entering into a meaningful relationship with someone special are practically non-existent, I staunchly refuse to admit that it has anything to do with some inherent problem with me. Instead, I am convinced that the situation can be readily explained in purely scientific terms, using nothing more than demographics and some elementary statistical calculus.

Lest anyone suspect that my standards for women are too high, let me allay those fears by enumerating in advance my three criteria for the match. First, the potential girlfriend must be approximately my age—let's say 21 plus or minus three or four years. Second, the girl must be beautiful (and I use that term all-encompassingly to refer to both inner and outer beauty). Third, she must also be reasonably intelligent—she doesn't have to be Mensa material, but the ability to carry on a witty, insightful argument would be nice. So there they are—three simple demands, which I'm sure everyone will agree are anything but unreasonable.

That said, I now present my demonstration of why the probability of finding a suitable candidate fulfilling the three above-noted requirements is so small as to be practically impossible—in other words, why I will never have a girlfriend. I shall endeavour to make this proof as rigorous as the available data permits. And I should note, too, that there will be no statistical trickery involved here; I have cited all my sources and provided all relevant calculations[3] in case anyone wishes to conduct their own independent review. Let's now take a look at the figures.
Number of people on Earth (in 1998): 5 592 830 000[4]

We start with the largest demographic in which I am interested—namely, the population of this planet. That is not to say I'm against the idea of interstellar romance, of course; I just don't assess the prospect of finding myself a nice Altairian girl as statistically significant. Now anyway, the latest halfway-reliable figures we have for Earth's population come from the United States Census Bureau's 1999 World Population Profile (WP/98). Due presumably to the time involved in compiling and processing census statistics, said report's data is valid only as of 1998, so later on we'll be making some impromptu adjustments to bring the numbers up to date.

…who are female: 2 941 118 000[5]

I'd've thought that, given the title of this essay, this criterion goes without saying. In case anyone missed it, though, I am looking for exclusively female companionship. Accordingly, roughly half of the Earth's population must be discounted. Sorry, guys.

…in "developed" countries: 605 601 000[5]

We now further restrict the geographical area of interest to so-called "first-world countries". My reasons for doing so are not motivated out of contempt for those who are economically disadvantaged, but rather by simple probability. My chances of meeting a babe from Bhutan or a goddess from Ghana, either in person or on the Internet, are understandably low. In fact, I will most likely spend nearly my entire life living and working in North America, Europe, and Australia, so it is to these types of regions that the numbers have been narrowed.
…currently (in 2000) aged 18 to 25: 65 399 083[4][5]

Being neither a pedophile nor a geriatrophile, I would like to restrict my search for love to those whose age is approximately equal to my own. This is where things get a bit tricky, for two reasons: first, the census data is nearly two years old, and second, the "population by age" tables in WP/98 are not separated into individual ages but are instead quantized into "15–19" (of whom there are 39 560 000) and "20–44" (population 215 073 000). Women aged 15 to 19 in 1998 will be aged 17 to 21 in 2000; in this group, I'm interested in dating those 18 or older, so, assuming the "15–19" girls' ages are uniformly distributed, we have

39\,560\,000 \times \frac{\left| 21 - 18 \right| + 1}{\left| 19 - 15 \right| + 1} = 31\,648\,000.

Similarly, of 1998's "20–44" category, there are now
215\,073\,000 \times \frac{\left| 25 - 22 \right| + 1}{\left| 44 - 20 \right| + 1} = 34\,411\,680

females within my chosen age limit. The sum, 66 059 680, represents the total number of females aged 18 to 25 in developed countries in 2000. Unfortunately, roughly 1% of these girls will have died since the census was taken;[6] thus, the true number of so-far eligible bachelorettes is 65 399 083.

…who are beautiful: 1 487 838

Personal attraction, both physically and personality-wise, is an important instigator of any relationship. Of course, beauty is a purely subjective trait whose interpretation may vary from person to person. Luckily it is not necessary for me to define beauty in this essay except to state that for any given beholder, it will probably be normally distributed amongst the population.[7] Without going into the specifics of precisely which traits I admire, I will say that for a girl to be considered really beautiful to me, she should fall at least two standard deviations above the norm. From basic statistics theory, the area to the left of the normal curve at z = 2 is

\frac{1}{2} - \frac{1}{\sqrt{2 \pi}} \cdot \int_{0}^{2}e^{-\frac{1}{2}z^2} dz~\approx~0.022\,75

and so it is this number with which we multiply our current population pool.

…and intelligent: 236 053

Again, intelligence can mean different things to different people, yet I am once more relieved of making any explanation by noting that it, like most other characteristics, has a notionally normal distribution across the population. Let's assume that I will settle for someone a mere one standard deviation above the normal; in that case, a further
\frac{1}{2} + \frac{1}{\sqrt{2 \pi}} \cdot \int_{0}^{1}e^{-\frac{1}{2}z^2} dz~\approx~84.1345\%

of the population must be discounted.
…and not already committed: 118 027

I could find no hard statistics on the number of above-noted girls who are already married, engaged, or otherwise committed to a significant other, but informal observation and anecdotal evidence leads me to believe that the proportion is somewhere around 50%. (Fellow unattached males will no doubt have also noticed a preponderance of girls legitimately offering, "Sorry, I already have a boyfriend" as an excuse not to go on a date.) For reasons of morality (and perhaps too self-preservation), I'm not about to start hitting on girls who have husbands and boyfriends. Accordingly, that portion of the female population must also be considered off-limits.
…and also might like me: 18 726

Naturally, finding a suitable girl who I really like is no guarantee that she'll like me back. Assuming, as previously mentioned, that personal attractiveness is normally distributed, there is a mere 50% chance that any given female will consider me even marginally attractive. In practice, however, people are unlikely to consider pursuing a relationship with someone whose looks and personality just barely suffice. Let's make the rather conservative assumption, then, that a girl would go out with someone if and only if they were at least one standard deviation above her idea of average. In that case, referring to our previous calculation, only 15.8655% of females would consider someone with my physical characteristics and personality acceptable as a potential romantic partner.
Conclusion

It is here, at a pool of 18 726 acceptable females, that we end our statistical analysis. At first glance, a datable population of 18 726 may not seem like such a low number, but consider this: assuming I were to go on a blind date with a new girl about my age every week, I would have to date for 3493 weeks before I found one of the 18 726. That's very nearly 67 years. As a North American male born in the late 1970s, my life expectancy is probably little more than 70 years, so we can safely say that I will be quite dead before I find the proverbial girl of my dreams. Come to think of it, she'll probably be dead too.

So there you have it, my friends—finally, a cogent, scientific, non-self-deprecating argument for why I will never have a girlfriend. That said, if you happen to be a girl deluded enough to think that you and I have a chance together, feel free to drop me a line, but I warn you, you face odds of 157 060 to 1. I wouldn't bother if I were you.

Update (2000-04-01): My sarcastic pleas for some e-mail have finally been answered. Take a look at this letter from a hysterical female reader, which I think perfectly demonstrates the point of this entire essay. (I think the fact that she's a WebTV user explains a lot—in fact, I was sure this e-mail was an April Fool's joke until I noticed the return address.)

### BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not really dead, just in a state of moratorium.............

Many things have went down since I posted on here last year. I'll and bring you up to speed here in the near future.